Sturgis.....It's complicated.....

Steve took off today @ 5:30 a.m. for days and days and days to and around Sturgis and back.

For Him: This is a good thing - he can ride his motorcycle all he wants, hang out with his guy friends, drink, party, check out the biker chicks, listen to Rock music, take rides around the area - he and an estimated 35,000+ fellow bikers for the 70th anniversary of Sturgis/Harley Davidson, staying at the one and only renown Buffalo Chip Campground.

For Me: It's complicated. I just don't get it. From the day he bought his first bike (2000) until now I struggle with the Whys, and maybe there is no answers to the Whys. It was a defining moment for me and one I was forced to deal with, something that I disagreed with, didn't want and felt that my opinion and choice did not matter - it was happening.....

I tried/try to be esoteric and say that what he chooses is not a choice over me or what interests I would like to share as a couple and try not to take offense to it - but that honestly does not resonate with me....not sure I believe it and I struggle with it....something about the choice/s make me, my thoughts and feelings, feel rejected, not important, not valued.....being raw here. I don't like feeling that way.....


Believe me, I do not believe couples should be together 7x24x365...however, it certainly makes me think what fun things we could do/have done together while he was doing things on his own on his bike. I have heard 'Get on the Bike and Go', but this was never an option for me (seen too many, heard too many tragic motorcycle accidents). This was discussed many times before bike #1 came home (how about a classic car instead - something we both can enjoy?).... we still have many interests we share, traveling, camping, Friday nights with the Grand kids, etc.

He has talked about selling his bike when he returns from his pilgrimage, referring to the fact that it is because I am not thrilled about the bike, but that does not hold water, my feelings did not matter when he bought bike #1; they should not matter if he sells his bike (#2)...don't hang that one on me.

I am not a victim, not seeking any consolation, do not want any pity, am not angry nor upset....this one falls in the category of things that make you go hmmmmmmm and wonder about it and try to figure out the actions and my feelings....it is the way I feel, not what it is or how it can be changed or fixed, or even if it needs to be. I admit I have often been judged as over analyzing situations (guilty as charged).

For Him: I do hope he is safe and has a really good time and it is all he hopes it will be. He works hard and this is something he really wanted to do ~ so good for him.

For Me: Still a work in progress.....and pretty bittersweet